| Dec. 4th, 2003 @ 02:58 pm Hope |
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Current Mood:  sad
Current Music: Flint
Give.
I don't see anything very clearly right now. I"m confused, and just trying to sort everything out and make it all make sense. its foggy outside, foggy like my grey matter. more....hazy. yellow haze like my cold inflicted snot. I have something to hold on to though. something that gives me hope...something that's a bad parody of something of greater hope, but that greater is uncomprehensible. So I hold on to the lesser. yet, I feel it coming to an end. I feel it soon leaving just like all like it before have left. though I shouldn't think of it now because that's what will make me better. It will be gone, and I'll still be here, just like I said I would, and everything will still be a mess and I will still have to make it fit where it ought. and I'll have to do it alone. just like always. So maybe I can leave it for another while. Let it be. That's what I'm thinking...the thoughts, you know, that people write in secret books and jam in secret places so that no one would find them, but that still needed to be expressed somehow, but maybe we aren't all deep enough to write songs or poems that just trist the truth into some seemingly deep and wonderful form that no one would understand anyway. Just so you could get away with saying it out loud, but knowing that no one would understand what you're saying. It makes sense to me. I keep coming back to no one but me and the greater Hope. Though I'm still sad to lose the lesser. Maybe by losing the lesser I'll be ever closer to grasping the greater...we can always _ _ _ _. Yes, precious, We can.
Though Dying, we Live On. We have Such Hope in Christ.
I refuse to even let my mind go there. Easy to smile about but too easy to be let down. My heart's been Broken and the Pieces were scattered. |